Failure: A Therapist View

Hello friends and happy Tuesday! I hope you all had a great holiday weekend!

I’ve been thinking about life challenges and want to share some of my therapist views …for free ❤️

I think life is hard at different times for all of us and we might often feel like a failure if things in our lives don’t go as we think they “should” or as we “expected”.

At times like these we feel a failure. BUT it’s super important to remember that feeling like a failure-is a feeling and it’s not a fact. Shoulds, expectations, and comparisons are not helpful in our lives, are actually detrimental, and cause us to second guess ourselves and our value as human beings.

One of my favorite TED talks is “How to Practice Emotional First Aid” by Guy Winch. It’s amazing and I’ve shared it with many clients. Look it up-live it.

When we feel like a failure, we normally stop what we’re doing. We give up; then that emotion wins! It’s just an emotion.

As long as we keep pushing toward future goals, we never fail.

If you feel like a failure, just remember I am rooting for you. We are all doing the best we can. You are not a failure.

Guy Winch-Ted Talk Emotional First Aid

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Dodging the Punches

Hey friends!

I thought I would share some of my difficulties lately and how I’m dodging the punches.

Someone very close to me is involved in the dissolution of her marriage due to a emotionally abusive spouse. Her spouse also knows my ex husband (I divorced him about 17 years ago).

I have found out that her husband and my ex shit talk about me throughout some family events (involving my adult children and grandchildren- those are most events I continue to be around my ex husband). I also found out that my ex inquired (to the person close to me) wondering if she was being unduly influenced to leave her husband by someone he did not name (I’m guessing it is me) and I have been super angry and negative being re exposed to abuse and emotional manipulation by my ex husband.

I have a difficult time managing this again, the negativity and emotions this stirs up is overwhelming for me.

I have a stressful job and do not need the additional negativity that this information affects me.

How do I manage? I have been focusing on things I can control to help myself. Can I control other people? No. Can I control outside events? No. Does other people’s shit have anything to do with me? No. If someone else is a douche, does that have to affect me? No.

Can I control what I focus on? Yes. About a week ago, I was listening to a podcast of Rachel Hollis interviewing Brendon Burchard. I was so impressed I subscribed (it’s FREE!)to Brendon’s podcast “The Brendon Show” and also bought his workbook “the high performance planner” and his book “High Performance Habits”. In 2018 Brendon reads his whole book as part of his podcast (so you can listen to his book for free!) and it’s so inspiring. It reminds me to live according to my own values. I especially like the planner and the ways I daily remind myself to set an intention, remind myself the person I want to be, a way to demonstrate excellence to myself, ways to coach myself through the day and ways to determine if I have been successful in my day (along with three goals to keep my focus every day).

This has been a huge support in dealing with this new situation and previous triggers from my abusive past marriage.

If any of you out there are struggling, I strongly suggest looking this up and listening. Everything will be ok, you can do it, you are strong enough, you are smart enough, you matter, you are important.

Brutal Deliverance

Hey friends!

All this week I’ve been in a work paid training to assist my clients in moving beyond their trauma. The intervention is DBT PE-Dialectical Behavior Therapy- Prolonged Exposure.

The last two days we discussed (8:30-430) rationale for treatment, statistics showing drastic improvement or elimination of PTSD symptoms and structure of the intervention.

Today and tomorrow we watched videos of actual sessions (signed release of clients in video to use for training-no names) to help us understand how to administer the treatment.

One thing about watching the videos of sessions is that we as participants are privy to the terrible trauma a few people have experienced to be able to help many people move out of the terrible trap that is PTSD. I am happy to do this to help others; interestingly enough while understanding information yesterday, I realized -holy shit- I have trauma I haven’t taken care of. It would be good if I did this intervention/therapy myself and can also share with my clients the benefit of this work.

I got a referral from my boss to see someone trained in this PE and hopefully I can begin soon.

Yesterday after sharing my thoughts with my husband I slept well. I have some relief already I think.

I’ll share more of my journey as time goes on in the hopes that others can find peace as I do.