Here we are: summertime, swimsuit time, and it’s hard to let go of judgmental thoughts of my body.
I remember the first time being worried about wearing a swimsuit. I was at a youth activity (maybe I was 14?) at a pool about an hour away from home. For some reason I didn’t have a suit, so my mom gave me money to rent one. Yikes a rental suit.
It was a one piece with huge cut outs on the sides and I felt super self conscious wearing it.
I’ve always been very physically active so I’m guessing I looked fine. I don’t have the wherewithal to make that judgment looking back and that’s ok. I did struggle with acne -seems like I did forever (obviously that’s not a fact) so I had judgements about my face.
Every summer I try to find a swimsuit I can feel comfortable and try not to judge my body. I play in the pool with my grandkids, I play in the ocean, I play in the lake, I play in the sprinklers. I love the water-I wear lots of sunscreen because the rosacea on my face doesn’t like the sun but I love the water.
The last couple of years I’ve purchased two piece suits to practice nonjudgment about my body; plus it’s easier to find separates that fit my top and bottom better.
Here’s another summer where I am triggered to judge my body as not good enough and I’m trying to be mindful of those old crazy thoughts (that are not facts) and in the moment to just enjoy the water. Just enjoy the water.
Here I am off Grand Cayman trying to hold a stingray
Here I am in Jamaica riding a horse in the ocean.
Here I am in Tulum Mexico in the prettiest water ever.
I haven’t posted for some time as I’ve been dealing with some pretty terrible neck pain along with our continually changing world.
The last couple of months I’ve had two sets (six shots each) of “diagnostic” shots in my neck to determine if “therapeutic shots”-shots of electricity to burn my nerves in the bulging discs of my neck will decrease my pain.
The last two weeks I’ve had these therapeutic shots and isolated at home on my bed because of the pain but I know not everyone is comfortable or ok in isolation.
I have many mental health clients that struggle mightily with depression; and isolation makes this worse. One thing that helps somewhat: everyone is going through this right now. If you struggle with depression or suicide thoughts, you are not alone-many people in our country or world right now are struggling with isolation and we can support each other.
Here are some ideas to stay connected during this time:
Join an online book club, watch live Facebook comedy shows, FaceTime your friends or family, get outside and go for a walk or a bike ride (isolation does not mean don’t go outside), read a good book-libraries have online resources too, visit a museum online, take an online course, learn how to speak a new language-there are many apps to discover, take a virtual national park tour, learn how to cook, learn how to sew, finish those crafts that you never had time, write your life story ( I wrote mine at 18 years old-there’s more to update!) scrapbook your photo memories, do some family history research online, call a relative you haven’t spoke to for a long time, and there are lots more ideas of things to stay busy and emotionally healthy.
A week ago when on vacation I had some odd-wig and then shaved head moments. Let me share them with you:
Our travel agent (Sharon) accompanied 9 of us on this trip that included her husband, daughter, and new SIL.
When we arrived at Ft Lauderdale airport, it’s 4am and a little chilly- I had flown the red eye wig less and make up less so as soon as we de planed, I spent a quick 15 minutes putting on makeup.
The whole group saw me during the flight-rosacea does not like me to wear makeup for 12+ hours so I was being gentle on my skin. But as soon as we arrived, I wanted to see Miami with makeup AND hair.
Outside the airport I rifled through my luggage to grab my wig, Sharon thought I was getting a coat- and appeared startled as I popped my wig on in front of her.
Several times on our trip I was either wearing my shaved head or my wig so it was pretty obvious.
At the end of the trip Sharon mentioned to me “it’s ok if you don’t wear your hair, you look great without it”- but I told her I liked my wig and sometimes I like my own head. I think maybe other people feel they need to give me permission to be myself. Another of our group members said my shaved head was “spunky, I really like it” although no one seemed curious enough to ask me why I wore a wig. Maybe they thought that too personal? Maybe people felt uncomfortable inquiring about my hair?
I don’t mind questions. I don’t however, wear a wig or my shaved head to make anyone else comfortable. I do it to make myself happy in my own situation.
I will continue to wear wigs or shave my head just for me to feel comfortable with me and my hair loss ❤️
I thought today, since it’s still January that I would focus on a subject I think often on. Perfection-what a lie.
We have been told throughout our lives that it’s possible to be perfect, each January many people talk about their New Years resolutions and how this year will be different and they will really do it right.
I actually don’t believe in being perfect. I don’t even hold much to New Years resolutions.
The idea of perfection is such a lie-none of us are perfect and we all make mistakes -often in one day! Thinking we have to be perfect can overwhelm us and lead to feeling shame about our imperfections or compare ourselves to others we “think” are perfect.
Life isn’t about being perfect. It’s enjoying the moment we are in and often remembering when we make mistakes to try and learn from what happened.
Failure is a good way to learn and gets a bad rep. I think failure is more important than perfection. Failure helps us learn what works, what we are good at, and what we need more practice in life. We all fail in life, we make mistakes, and hopefully we learn.
I’ve learned to be more gentle with myself and remember I don’t need to be perfect. I try to be kind to myself and others and I think the rest works out.
None of us are perfect. Let us NOT strive to be perfect.
Doesn’t summer remind you of the olympics? Well last week when my family went to Wyoming for my grandfather’s funeral and my family reunion, a few of us congregated at the same hotel with a pool and needed to create some fun after my grandpa’s viewing the first night.
We got the funny idea to create a synchronized routine similar to the olympics!
We practiced and practiced! Two grandkids, two daughters and one son in law including myself performed the routine flawlessly and my son in law set it to music.
See for yourself our gold medal winning family synchronized swimming routine complete with one shower cap and two life jackets!
I was thinking of all the bright colors in my closet this spring and had a little giggle reflecting back to the movie “Devil Wore Prada”- “florals for spring? Groundbreaking”! LOL! I think spring is always full of bright, fun colors but for some reason I’m really rocking them (no matter what Miranda Priestly says- I don’t need her permission, I don’t work for her!)
So I thought I would share two of this week’s fun bright spring looks that I love (closet shopping win)!
First I couldn’t resist going all purple/pink on Monday! Seriously, who can resist such fun colors! Purple is actually my favorite color (I might not own enough purple items, that’s something I would love to fix). I wore pink slacks with a pink/blue/purple plaid blouse from JCPenney along with my purple Walmart espadrilles and a super cute lavender bag I snagged from Target. (All of these items are budget friendly-my JCPenney shopping usually involves a discount or coupon and obviously my Walmart shoes are not breaking the bank 😉
I LOVED LOVED being all pink and purple…I think I was more cheerful and pleasant (ok the sun was shining too) but color really seems to make me happy.
Then yesterday I had to wear more COLOR! Specifically I wore my bright poppin yellow slack, a floral/striped blouse, my super cute yellow polka dot kitten heels and a bold pink bag! I was feeling very bright and happy! My slacks, blouse, and bag are all JCPenney (bag and blouse are old) and my heels are a special find from DSW about a month ago. So far I’m trying to wear them as often as possible as they are so super cute and very comfy.
I hope these colorful looks are inspiring to you and give you the courage to try something fun for yourself. Don’t be afraid to wear what you want. You might inspire someone else too!
I just had to share something hilarious from last night.
Our daughter and her two children (age 8 and 4) are living with us. It’s been a big change for all of us and we often have such fun!
Last night my husband came home late from work; he’s been working long hours the last couple of weeks and I think the grandchildren miss seeing him because they go to bed around 8pm. So last night after arriving home, hubs is in the bathroom and my four year old grandson is really anxious to see grandpa!
He is standing outside the bathroom yelling to his grandpa….and we can hear the whole conversation….
“Grandpa unlock the door”….”just a minute bud, I’m almost done”
“Grandpa are you done”? ….”just a minute bud, I just got home from work”
” Grandpa Are you wiping“???!! (SILENCE)…..
OH MY HECK I COULD NOT STOP LAUGHING!! THIS WAS A EPIC LAUGH TOO!
I IMMEDIATELY SENT A TEXT MESSAGE TO HUBS IN THE BATHROOM….ARE YOU WIPING???? LOL
This comedic moment brought to you by my sweet four year old grandson. You are welcome.
It’s the first Monday in May! I’m so excited for warmer weather! My yard is coming back to life and I love all the new blooms and leaves. Spring is such a wonderful time.
I thought I would share my love for yellow this season! I invested in several yellow pieces: yellow blazer and pants along with yellow lace dress from JCPenney, and yellow polka dot pumps from DSW. I think I’ve worn one of these pieces at least twice a week since I’ve added them to my closet! How fun is that? I love to take pieces and just wear them on repeat with SEVERAL other items. It makes me feel very creative and a smartie pants when I do this.
So here I am sharing my several mellow yellow outfits! This might just be my favorite color this year!!
I hope everyone had a good weekend! I had the best time with four of my grandkids, they are so precious; I am very blessed. Not to mention they are a hoot! One grandson in response to a question, did you get enough bacon tonight said “Yes (in a news commentator tone) I had 23 pieces”! LOL! One granddaughter proves herself to be an excellent shopper in training at Build A Bear and had a stash of $$$ things she wanted but was very sweet to put most of it back. Another granddaughter is developing her sense of humor and put a dinosaur growl into her sweet lovable snugly kitty! Another grandson is at the age where he is learning about his emotions and is not quite adept at being effective to express himself (code: he had a meltdown in the parking lot when asked to hold hands for his safety, btw grandma is not going to let him run through parking lots)! Anyway it was fun and I love them so much!
I think these little people keep me young because I find myself trolling the junior section of Target looking for trendy, colorful and different wardrobe pieces that I can adapt for myself. I discovered this AH-mazing skirt (it’s so colorful and the material is kind of bumpy so there is that textural piece that is fun). I paired it with boots also from Target (these two items from their Wild Fable line-I’m guessing it’s targeting young women, but hey it’s cute so head there next time you’re in Target) and I added a spring-y graphic T from JCPenney, I just love graphic tees but I want my message to fit who I am, so this one is bomb! I also (just for kicks) added a real distressed jean jacket (last year from Forever 21) and my snugly faux fur backpack (from Walmart) and here ya go! A fun, trendy, colorful outfit that fits my personality!