Category Archives: Emotions

Finally Share my Hair

Hello friends and happy Sunday!

I hope you all have had a great weekend!

I finally decided to share another of my “hair” adventures. I blogged about possibly cutting my own hair about a week or so ago but I finally did it!

I got my own hair cut in a chin length bob type of style. I wanted to be able to leave my hair down when I wasn’t wearing my extensions (just cause I’m tired of doing the same thing everyday and sometimes the extensions hurt and I want a break). I also fatigued of my hair being in super tangles every morning- it was so fine and thin at the bottom.

So last Wednesday my stylist cut about five (?) inches off to where my hair is thicker ( as I lose hair and grow back hair- most of it is around ear length) so it looks thicker shorter.

Friday I bucked up enough courage to go to work WITHOUT MY EXTENSIONS! I know right?? I was super anxious but people around me are very kind and supportive and I’m so thankful as my hair is kind of a sensitive subject for me.

So I’m passing on my bravery to you my blogging buddies. Here are a couple pics of me and my own hair. Be Brave friends!

Brutal Deliverance

Hey friends!

All this week I’ve been in a work paid training to assist my clients in moving beyond their trauma. The intervention is DBT PE-Dialectical Behavior Therapy- Prolonged Exposure.

The last two days we discussed (8:30-430) rationale for treatment, statistics showing drastic improvement or elimination of PTSD symptoms and structure of the intervention.

Today and tomorrow we watched videos of actual sessions (signed release of clients in video to use for training-no names) to help us understand how to administer the treatment.

One thing about watching the videos of sessions is that we as participants are privy to the terrible trauma a few people have experienced to be able to help many people move out of the terrible trap that is PTSD. I am happy to do this to help others; interestingly enough while understanding information yesterday, I realized -holy shit- I have trauma I haven’t taken care of. It would be good if I did this intervention/therapy myself and can also share with my clients the benefit of this work.

I got a referral from my boss to see someone trained in this PE and hopefully I can begin soon.

Yesterday after sharing my thoughts with my husband I slept well. I have some relief already I think.

I’ll share more of my journey as time goes on in the hopes that others can find peace as I do.

The Therapist Who Lived

Hello friends!

It’s been a few days since I blogged; I was out of town kicking up my heels away from work! Yay!

Yesterday back at work but had a nasty run in with a mean lady (not a client)!

She appeared at our facility in Salt Lake and I decided to make the effort to repair our relationship; after our last phone call I told her I would not communicate with her by phone ANYMORE-only by email.

So when she showed up I thought I would be a bigger person and speak with her (mistake).

She is argumentative, insulting, disrespectful and super high anxiety/energy so I felt like I couldn’t breathe and wasn’t safe.

At one point I stood up- 👠 and all of a sudden realized-I’m a foot and a half taller with about 75 pounds on you- I could kick your trash little vicious chihuahua-

I felt so much safer after that; plus she tried that crap with my boss too and he told me to keep my contact with her on an email basis. SCORE!

Therapist Lives!

Great Men in my Life

Hello friends and Happy Tuesday!

I’m late with this post honoring the amazing men in my life for Father’s Day, but tomorrow is the anniversary of my dad’s death so honoring him now seems appropriate.

MY DAD: The first man that was important to me is my dad-Richard Lee or Dick as he almost never used Richard (to my knowledge). Everyone liked him, he was funny, hardworking, honorable, respectful to women, smart, (he was really good looking) although I don’t think he saw himself that way-he was very humble. I loved to sit and listen to him (around his brothers and sisters-at my grandparents house) tell stories. He was funny and I think people were drawn to him. He had this amazing story of being a chaperone at a school dance-he was a teacher-and a couple of drunk young men tried to crash the party. They postured him (smacked him in the chest and told him they didn’t need to listen to him) and he carried one out above his head and threw him into the road-he was the original Mr Incredible. He had a low tolerance for bullshit (my word, not his) but he was genuinely kind and caring, although didn’t much talk about his feelings LOL. I know many times that young men in his classes at school (he taught mechanical drawing/drafting and electronics) have remarked to me and others the great respect they had for him. He was also a great athlete. I remember being in junior high or high school (he played softball many times during the summer) watching him get up to bat and ALWAYS hit the ball out of the park. He played centerfield or left field and a guy was in trouble if he hit it anywhere near my dad. He either caught the ball or threw it all the way to home plate, no one had a chance. He was All Conference and All Guard (I hope that’s right) in football in high school ( he had his jaw broke- I think as a freshman (? Not sure his age) and broke his finger playing football- his finger didn’t ever point straight -it was always bent at the end) and he played basketball too. One time making a basket at the last minute from half court to win the game (pretty sure that’s not exaggerated). He died from cancer June 20, 1985….so a anniversary coming up. I miss him terribly, I miss having an adult relationship with my dad. I’m sure he would have had good advice for me many times in my life. I’m proud he is my dad.

My grandpa Cecil was an entreprenur…he started a grocery store in our little town, along with a meat processing plant, and a Drive In. He also drove a school bus for the high school. He was a big support in my life. After my mom, brother, and sister died in a car accident- I spent a lot of time at my grandparents home because (I think) my dad was at work or spending time with friend to comfort him. I don’t remember much of that time but I do remember riding on the school bus with my grandpa, I sat right by him on the big engine in front (probably not safe but I felt safe by him). I remember his big green chair, he loved those white mints with the green center combined with peanuts, and he had a beautiful voice. He sang in our church choir often. He died from a heart attack in 1978 (I think it was 78).

My grandpa Wilton is still alive, he is a marvel. He will be 97 this year, I know right?? He is a farmer, had a dairy years ago and this is the first summer he hasn’t raised grain.  He is kind of discouraged about that, but he has been falling often so he just can’t do what he used to do. I remember being in his barn while he was milking cows (when I was in junior high or high school) and the country music was playing and he was talking to his cows. I also helped my aunt Laurie (she was only four years older than I) wash the milk cans at night or turn the hay bales during the day to kill mice that would ruin the hay. He has always been a hard worker and is an example to me to stay busy in my life and work hard.

My step dad Bob is also a great man. My step mother (I call her mom) married him some time after my father died and he is the glue in our family (so to speak). I think he keeps everyone level headed and I know he cares about us all even though has only known most of us as adults. I love and respect Bob, he is a great man.

My husband is a great man (last but not least) haha he is such a funny, thoughtful, kind, hard working guy. He really supports me in whatever I’m doing, whether it’s work, my blog, my fashion obsession, or any of my outside drama that causes me pain- he is my rock! I love him so ❤️❤️❤️ he is also a genuinely good man- so connected to honesty, integrity and true to his relationship with me. He is such a funny guy- he will be telling me a story and it sounds believable but (I know for sure) is something he’s made up! He’s so funny! He loves cooking and car shows along with fixing things, “I can fix that”. A couple of his favorite tv shows are Storage Wars and Pawn Stars. He puts up with my nerdy obsessions too like Star Wars and Star Trek (he told me he didn’t like Star Wars when it first came out LOL but watches it with me cause he is a wonderful husband!

The pictures below are first five of my dad, next picture is my grandpa Wilton with my grandma, next two pictures are me with my husband and my husband alone, next picture is some of my family with my grandpa Wilton and picture is my grandpa Cecil when he was young (bottom on the right). Then I add a recent picture of Bob with mom and a recent picture of my grandpa Wilton.

Holiday Adventures

Hello friends!

How was your Memorial Day weekend?? I hope you had a wonderful time!

I had a good day on Saturday and Sunday, even Monday was technically good but unexpected.

Saturday hubs and I went zip lining down Provo Canyon which was an amazing experience. We went with Provo Canyon adventures and went on five zip lines (did the first one twice) just to get the hang of things. It was a beautiful day and we had great time. I tried to spin a couple of times and almost ended up coming into one platform backwards which kind of freaked me out, but it all ended well. Afterwards we drove into Heber City and dined at Granny’s Drive In which was soooo good. I might have been really hungry but it was very good LOL!

Sunday was kind of laid back; we went to church and then some of our children came to visit. We then took a trip to the cemetery to visit the grave of my youngest son, he would be 20 in October of this year. It was a somber visit but we talked about him and how old he would be and how my daughter probably wouldn’t be as spoiled because she wouldn’t have been the youngest. It was nice despite the situation.

Then yesterday started out wonderful; I woke early and got ready for a morning bike ride. I rode down Provo River Trail to the lake and around the trail on the east side of the lake. I then decided to ride up to the University Parkway underpass because last year it was closed due to the road construction and I wanted to see if it had been completed. Amazing, it is completed and if I wanted, I could go farther but I already had gone about five miles so I turned around and headed home. On the way I crossed a wood bridge with a sharp 90 degree turn off the bridge with a fence on one side and a drop off to the river on the other. A young woman and her son were at the turn (stopped) with his little bike/training wheels; I didn’t want to run them over and almost stopped, but they completely blocked the trail and I fell off the edge, flipped over my bike and fell down into the weeds and rocks. It really hurt, no lie- my right knee is scraped pretty bad, I pulled the hamstring in my left leg and I managed to smash my face into my handle bars. It was no fun and I had to ride my bike all the way back home with my hurt knees (waaaaaa) I spent most of the day icing my knee although I’m still sore today and a little annoyed that some people on the trail do not know the rules of the “road” so to speak.

Later in the day all the (adult) children came over and we had a BBQ which made the rest of my day fun! I sure love spending time with all the kids and grandkids!

Ups and downs for the holiday weekend but I think this is life and normal. Usually the positive outweighs the negative in my experience.

Thanks for reading friends and enjoy your four day work week!

Downton Comfort

Hello Friends!

I’m feeling kind of tired and discouraged today, I know that’s not fun to hear about but it’s real life (I get tired (worn down) of speaking about trauma and death all the time) so I came home to watch Downton Abbey on Amazon. I know it’s not new on TV but it’s still fun to watch and I’m so enamored of this era and all the fun clothing. I should have made it a priority to watch the Royal Wedding a couple days ago (It was so early in the morning!) but I love that kind of thing…fairy tales and all! Downton is cheering me up! I just love Aunt Violet (Maggie Smith); she is so funny and talented! There’s also a rumor going around about a Downton Abbey movie sometime! Wouldn’t that be wonderful??

Shopping blues

Hello friends!

I’ve had a weird experience lately, I’ll cal it the shopping blues.

I went to Marshall’s, JCPenney, Target, and Old Navy and only found one blouse that I really liked. I got the one at OldNavy but sheesh am I depressed?? Really only find one thing to buy?

Granted I didn’t hit H&M or Ann Taylor but not a ton of time as I had an eye appointment yesterday after I got off work. Maybe I wasn’t really putting my whole effort into the experience?

Sometimes that happens to me and I think maybe I’m overwhelmed with work and need to watch some movies, go for a walk, get my toe nails done, play with grandkids, chat with friends, more movies, sleep in, garden, (maybe do my laundry and clean- not necessarily) -that’s my plan of self care and I think I’ll be back online shopping in no time 😜