It’s A Woman Thing

So last night, I had to unwind before going to bed. Work this week was not a pleasant experience. (For some reason I feel like work should be fun! It shouldn’t be work, I don’t know where I’ve got this odd idea)

My Oprah magazine came in the mail and I thought I would read a bit to focus on something else!

I found an article on Menopause and thought I would see if there’s anything in it to help explain WTH my life feels the way it does 😂😆 I was genuinely curious.

So, to give a little background. Thursday in heading in the door to work and finding out there isn’t an office – I felt this crazy surge of rage (and freak I’m not an angry person) and an image popped into my head of myself “throwing my metal water bottle at the speed of light smashing through the big glass window” in our main front office-WTH is wrong with me??

Anyway, back to my magazine and article on menopause. Did you know, unreasonable anger is a symptom of menopause?? When I read that, I thought you gotta be kidding me!! All this time I wondered if I was going crazy or if I was a bad person or somehow I’ve been crazy all along. Trust me, these are odd thoughts for me as a therapist but this totally makes sense to me.

There have been soooo many times at the checkout or in traffic or at work that I just feel outrageously angry and I never knew this is normal for a woman going through menopause.

First off, it might just be lucky that we don’t have many menopausal women going postal out in public cause I’ve managed to control my flash of anger but how is everyone else doing it?

Holy cow, wouldn’t it be nice if someone let us know this is what to expect when we will never be expecting?? Hopefully one day my hormones will settle down and I’ll be my normal self again.

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Failure: A Therapist View

Hello friends and happy Tuesday! I hope you all had a great holiday weekend!

I’ve been thinking about life challenges and want to share some of my therapist views …for free ❤️

I think life is hard at different times for all of us and we might often feel like a failure if things in our lives don’t go as we think they “should” or as we “expected”.

At times like these we feel a failure. BUT it’s super important to remember that feeling like a failure-is a feeling and it’s not a fact. Shoulds, expectations, and comparisons are not helpful in our lives, are actually detrimental, and cause us to second guess ourselves and our value as human beings.

One of my favorite TED talks is “How to Practice Emotional First Aid” by Guy Winch. It’s amazing and I’ve shared it with many clients. Look it up-live it.

When we feel like a failure, we normally stop what we’re doing. We give up; then that emotion wins! It’s just an emotion.

As long as we keep pushing toward future goals, we never fail.

If you feel like a failure, just remember I am rooting for you. We are all doing the best we can. You are not a failure.

Guy Winch-Ted Talk Emotional First Aid

Dodging the Punches

Hey friends!

I thought I would share some of my difficulties lately and how I’m dodging the punches.

Someone very close to me is involved in the dissolution of her marriage due to a emotionally abusive spouse. Her spouse also knows my ex husband (I divorced him about 17 years ago).

I have found out that her husband and my ex shit talk about me throughout some family events (involving my adult children and grandchildren- those are most events I continue to be around my ex husband). I also found out that my ex inquired (to the person close to me) wondering if she was being unduly influenced to leave her husband by someone he did not name (I’m guessing it is me) and I have been super angry and negative being re exposed to abuse and emotional manipulation by my ex husband.

I have a difficult time managing this again, the negativity and emotions this stirs up is overwhelming for me.

I have a stressful job and do not need the additional negativity that this information affects me.

How do I manage? I have been focusing on things I can control to help myself. Can I control other people? No. Can I control outside events? No. Does other people’s shit have anything to do with me? No. If someone else is a douche, does that have to affect me? No.

Can I control what I focus on? Yes. About a week ago, I was listening to a podcast of Rachel Hollis interviewing Brendon Burchard. I was so impressed I subscribed (it’s FREE!)to Brendon’s podcast “The Brendon Show” and also bought his workbook “the high performance planner” and his book “High Performance Habits”. In 2018 Brendon reads his whole book as part of his podcast (so you can listen to his book for free!) and it’s so inspiring. It reminds me to live according to my own values. I especially like the planner and the ways I daily remind myself to set an intention, remind myself the person I want to be, a way to demonstrate excellence to myself, ways to coach myself through the day and ways to determine if I have been successful in my day (along with three goals to keep my focus every day).

This has been a huge support in dealing with this new situation and previous triggers from my abusive past marriage.

If any of you out there are struggling, I strongly suggest looking this up and listening. Everything will be ok, you can do it, you are strong enough, you are smart enough, you matter, you are important.

2019 Doesn’t Like Me

Happy New Year friends! Seriously this is what I thought last week! (I have this thing against odd numbers!) but seriously I experienced some unexpected difficulties at work which hijacked my whole week of blogging and life as a hopeful-positive person. Life is hard sometimes but then I just have to keep going right??

So I thought instead of focusing on the negative parts of my week, I would share another closet shopping trip!

It started out as a cold day! Which should have clued me into the negative storm heading my way, but I digress…..

So I wanted to wear some warm leggings (sequin leggings from Express last year are what I decided on😂) YES Then I paired them with a thermal black shirt (tip for dressing warm) and a leopard dress from ASOS last year. I added my leather looking sneaks and my (actually this is new) deep green leather like moto jacket with faux fur collar from Express (at least it was 50% off) and a cute appliqué bag I snagged from Charming Charlie’s a couple years ago.

I stayed warm, I wore a flippin cute dress, and if you looked close- you could see sequins peeking out as I went about my work day. That’s almost enough to balance out a bad work week right??

YES

(My week in emojis)

🥶

💣

😭

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😳

Finally Share my Hair

Hello friends and happy Sunday!

I hope you all have had a great weekend!

I finally decided to share another of my “hair” adventures. I blogged about possibly cutting my own hair about a week or so ago but I finally did it!

I got my own hair cut in a chin length bob type of style. I wanted to be able to leave my hair down when I wasn’t wearing my extensions (just cause I’m tired of doing the same thing everyday and sometimes the extensions hurt and I want a break). I also fatigued of my hair being in super tangles every morning- it was so fine and thin at the bottom.

So last Wednesday my stylist cut about five (?) inches off to where my hair is thicker ( as I lose hair and grow back hair- most of it is around ear length) so it looks thicker shorter.

Friday I bucked up enough courage to go to work WITHOUT MY EXTENSIONS! I know right?? I was super anxious but people around me are very kind and supportive and I’m so thankful as my hair is kind of a sensitive subject for me.

So I’m passing on my bravery to you my blogging buddies. Here are a couple pics of me and my own hair. Be Brave friends!

Brutal Deliverance

Hey friends!

All this week I’ve been in a work paid training to assist my clients in moving beyond their trauma. The intervention is DBT PE-Dialectical Behavior Therapy- Prolonged Exposure.

The last two days we discussed (8:30-430) rationale for treatment, statistics showing drastic improvement or elimination of PTSD symptoms and structure of the intervention.

Today and tomorrow we watched videos of actual sessions (signed release of clients in video to use for training-no names) to help us understand how to administer the treatment.

One thing about watching the videos of sessions is that we as participants are privy to the terrible trauma a few people have experienced to be able to help many people move out of the terrible trap that is PTSD. I am happy to do this to help others; interestingly enough while understanding information yesterday, I realized -holy shit- I have trauma I haven’t taken care of. It would be good if I did this intervention/therapy myself and can also share with my clients the benefit of this work.

I got a referral from my boss to see someone trained in this PE and hopefully I can begin soon.

Yesterday after sharing my thoughts with my husband I slept well. I have some relief already I think.

I’ll share more of my journey as time goes on in the hopes that others can find peace as I do.

The Therapist Who Lived

Hello friends!

It’s been a few days since I blogged; I was out of town kicking up my heels away from work! Yay!

Yesterday back at work but had a nasty run in with a mean lady (not a client)!

She appeared at our facility in Salt Lake and I decided to make the effort to repair our relationship; after our last phone call I told her I would not communicate with her by phone ANYMORE-only by email.

So when she showed up I thought I would be a bigger person and speak with her (mistake).

She is argumentative, insulting, disrespectful and super high anxiety/energy so I felt like I couldn’t breathe and wasn’t safe.

At one point I stood up- 👠 and all of a sudden realized-I’m a foot and a half taller with about 75 pounds on you- I could kick your trash little vicious chihuahua-

I felt so much safer after that; plus she tried that crap with my boss too and he told me to keep my contact with her on an email basis. SCORE!

Therapist Lives!