Category Archives: Changes

Hot Legs

I remember listening to Rod Stewart’s song Hot Legs at a youth activity at our local reservoir when I was maybe 15. I thought I did not have legs like that and never would have legs like that.

At 15 I judged my legs. I felt ashamed of my feet too-at size 10 feet I thought there was something wrong with me.

Now that I’m a little more aware of my judgements-I remember being involved in athletics-volleyball, softball, and riding my bicycle to work (3 miles? Each direction) every day in the summer. I’m pretty sure there wasn’t anything wrong with my legs. One summer I got an in park homerun at a softball tournament. My legs can run.

Now that I’m older, I realize my legs are still hot legs. I helped my daughter move last week-up and down stairs maybe a hundred times -filling a 26 foot Uhaul and unloading the same Uhaul. My knees work really well.

Hot Legs apply to anyone with legs. I’m so thankful I have legs that work.

Ambiguous Loss and Covid 19

Hello Friends.

Life has changed so much since I last posted and there are daily changes.

About two weeks ago, I noticed that I feel sad and overwhelmed when I wake up and then I thought “things are still the same, it’s not a bad dream”. This feeling is similar to the time that my son died and many years ago when my dad died.

I remember waking up (during both these events/timelines) and being hit with a wave of sadness and feeling overwhelmed and discouraged (similar to how I feel now) and not knowing when the feeling would end or if it would end.

I think many people have feelings like this now with Covid 19. It’s terribly difficult wading through an emotionally painful, difficult experience and not knowing when or if it will end. I recently discovered this is called “Ambiguous Loss”, coined by Pauline Boss, Ph.D., and Emeritus Professor and Clinical Supervisor of Marriage and Family Therapy, at University of Minnesota.

I was part of a webinar training based on her book about a week ago and I wanted to share some newfound insights. Ambiguous loss is described as “An unclear loss that defies closure…often times it does not have validation or clarification or resolution”. Boss’ research includes information from POW experiencing crisis from Vietnam, 911 families, military deployment, and families of loved ones with dementia. Most every person right now has experienced some type of ambiguous loss-losing connections with loved ones who are physically absent but emotionally present whether they are sick or well, people experiencing job loss or co worker relationship loss, and healthcare providers going into a situation where they can be at high risk.

There are physical symptoms of ambiguous loss including depression, anxiety, family discord, confusion, grieving, hope, hopelessness, shock but it’s important to remember all these symptoms are NORMAL. She identified the ways all of us can shift from experiencing despair to hope and I will list them below with an example of what I am doing.

  1. Finding Meaning- I realize that my family relationships are very important to me (how are we pulling together?) and connecting in some way helps me distract from the world.
  2. Tempering (Adjusting) Mastery-learn to hold two opposing ideas at the same time-I have a lot of anxiety listening to the news about Covid 19 AND I feel peace when I don’t listen to the news and connect with others or reach out to help someone else (be cautious to blame oneself or others).
  3. Reconstructing Identity-try to recognize how my roles have changed before, during, and after Covid 19 (separate myself from Covid 19 and don’t stay in a role that doesn’t work-working from home and doing therapy by video-“no shoulds”)
  4. Normalizing Ambivalence-and I love this one because my webinar had a quote “It’s a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don’t keep your feet, there’s no knowing where you might be swept off to.” -Tolkien   Try to acknowledge yours and others feelings, try not to judge yourself or others, and listen to each other. It’s actually kinda cool to think I’m sort of like Frodo and this is an adventure (I choose the word adventure instead of tragedy) I have never experienced.  Here’s another example:I want to see my family and friends, but I don’t want to get sick or get them sick.
  5. Revising Attachment-try to acknowledge how difficult it is separating social ties through social distancing and try to do new ways to strengthen or create other attachments, maybe through Facetime or Zoom or Marco Polo.
  6. Discovering Hope-I also love this one because Hope is increased through strengthening our connection spirituality. Whether you have a Higher Power or believe in God, discovering hope is huge and can comfort us. I know I feel comfort and peace when I connect with God by reading my scriptures, or praying, or listening to a Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints General Conference talk. I have found life is so much less stressful when I connect with God.

 

I hope this information is helpful for all of you to manage this stressful time in our world which is new for all of us.

My hopes and prayers go with all of you my friends.

 

 

Wig Travels

Hello Friends! I went on vacation last week and my wig joined me! I thought you would like to hear of “her” vacation and cruise!

Flying into Miami, Marion (by Jon Renau-my wig) spent the flight in a cozy place in her lady’s luggage, wrapped and tucked in a special box. Her lady traveled a red eye with no makeup and hair; but at 4am in the baggage claim-lady put on her makeup with the treasures in carry on baggage. Waiting for a bus outside the Ft Lauderdale airport Lady is chilled with some wind and Marion popped on her head with several human beings watching. Marion pretends to be a hat sometimes, she keeps Lady’s head warm.

Marion got her picture taken in front of Hard Rock Stadium hours before Super Bowl. Other wigs are impressed. She toured the amazing mansion of Vizcaya in Miami and looks fresh and bouncy as if she had not flown a red eye.

Marion got her picture taken previous to boarding a huge cruise ship as she did not look like Lady’s other hair.

Marion’s lovely locks waved in the breeze as the ship left the pier and did a big U turn in the harbor to maneuver in the right direction.

Marion toured the big ship and waved in the breeze as Lady sunned on deck with a bathing suit and hat (that fits lady’s head even with a wig!)

Marion spend the next morning relaxing in the room as Lady got a facial but she joined the ship for a great burger lunch and then after more exploring, dinner and a fun comedy show that night.

The next day in Jamaica, Marion stayed on the ship as Lady was horseback riding and didn’t want to lose her to island living but back on the ship, she rejoins Lady for dinner and another entertaining musical show.

The next day in Grand Cayman, Marion stays back because Lady is riding a wave runner and swimming with stingrays and for sure would stay in this lovely haven. But back on the ship, Marion and makeup join Lady for dinner and a comedy show.

Here’s another day at another island Cozumel; Marion relaxes in the room as Lady will be snorkeling and exploring a Cenote. Marion doesn’t mind staying back because she is happy with her new owner 🙂 and the Cenote has bats that poop so Marion is a little afraid of bat dung staining her locks.

The last day on the ship, Marion spends a lot of time with Lady because the skies are cloudy and somewhat rainy/windy and is not the time to stay on deck. Marion gets to see two movies along with eating a yummy lunch and early dinner. She watches karoke which sometimes is good/bad depending on the singer LOL- but Marion never looks bad.

Today as Marion gets off ship with Lady, she anticipates a fun outing to Everglades National Park -Marion finally gets to tag along!-Lady quickly tucks her in a pink backpack for safety during an airboat tour but she is back in place afterwards. She finally went on an exciting excursion!

Many people observed Marion’s on and off adventures and wonder what it all means but Lady loves Marion and they get along so well that they don’t care what others think.

 

Quest for Curtains

Hello friends!

Happy Sunday!

I’ve spent the last month and a half shopping online and brick/mortar for high quality yet also inexpensive black out curtains for my bedroom.

My redecorating is taking almost a whole year and this was one purchase I didn’t want to break the bank!

When we bought this home in 2008, I still worked graveyard shift while completing graduate school and we needed blackout curtains so I could sleep during the day. We got some ice blue curtains (matched our decor then) with a heavy lining from BED Bath and Beyond but honestly spent way too much on them and they did NOT block light like I wanted. But because we spent so much, I couldn’t make a change for a long time.

It’s been almost 12 years so I feel free to dump the old curtains! Yay!

I have searched Amazon, JcPenney, Walmart-several brands of curtains (sometimes not knowing if they would work-getting a package-opening one and draping then over the rod and they don’t block light-which has been super frustrating) and it’s really been a lengthy process!

Thank goodness for my patient husband-“what’s this charge to Amazon”? “Oh it’s more curtains, don’t know if its going to work” 🙁

But finally, one day returning my purchase from Amazon (conveniently through my local Kohl’s) I walked out of the store through their housewares/drapery aisle and saw another brand I hadn’t tried yet. They were “buy one get one 50% off” which was nice as they were a little more than the ones I had considered before. They didn’t have the color or length in store, so I ordered online. Hoping again, this would finally be the one that worked.

They came about a week later and EUREKA! They are excellent at blacking out all light! They are also a beige curtain so match my new tonal decor! (It’s ok for curtains to say they’re blackout if they are a dark color-like that’s so obvious! But a light color and blackout is tricky!

I’m so happy to share my find with you! The curtain is SUNZERO extreme theatre grade black out curtains

I hope this helps you! Saturday and Sunday mornings there is no light coming through and it also seems to insulate from sound. We had a terrible wind storm the other night and it did not keep me awake during the night-I could hardly hear it. These curtains are the best!

(The last picture is a before with old curtains)

 

More Hair Chronicles

Hello friends!

Happy Sunday and I hope you’re all having a wonderful weekend!

I know you all are aware of my struggles with hair loss. Remember on July 6 I got a new blonde wig because I was so tired of worrying about my thinning hair.

I didn’t tell anyone that after I got the wig, I took a pair of scissors and cut my own hair super short. You can see it a little bit in my “Bucket List” post a month or so back. It was easier to tuck in the wig cap.

Well, I’ve even changed that. My youngest daughter knew/saw I cut my hair (to be honest, all my family saw it) and sent me a picture of a super short haircut with shaved sides she thought I would like that I could be comfortable with when I wasn’t wearing my wig.

I really liked the pic my daughter sent but didn’t want to pay anyone to cut my hair since I spent so much money on a wig.

So my oldest daughter (on August 3rd) used my set of clippers and scissors to follow my directions and shave the sides of my head, leaving kind of a Mohawk on the top.

It’s so much easier to wear my wig and I can actually start to see what color my hair really is. I have quite a bit of silver interestingly enough. I tried to get it to stick up straight but I don’t have the right product and my hair has some curl 😂

I’ll wear it sometimes like this on Saturday or at water activities because I can’t get my wig wet.

But I thought you would like to see the evolution of my hair. It’s kind of like The Chronicles of Narnia-😂😂 only it’s kind of edgy and I might like it 😎

Play That Sweater Again

Hey friends!

I think I’m finally getting the hang of 2019; it’s taken a couple weeks but I might be back to myself. Two weeks of three day work is nice but the added burden of completing 5 days of work in 3 (two weeks in a row) is exhausting. How do you adjust to change or stress? It takes a lot out of me for the most part. Usually change or stress can be managed with self care but I’ve been slacking in that area too! What’s up with all this??

Anyway, enough talk of my difficulties! It’s time to focus on fashion! 👗

I purchased a sweater from Loft lately, it was on sale for $20 and I’ve sure got my money’s worth. It’s so cute! It’s dark blue with gold polka dots and has a rounded hem. It’s so fun!

One day I paired it with my gold skirt and leopard boots for a fun Sunday look (sparkly earrings too!)

The next outfit idea is pairing my polka dot sweater with my gray jeans, a blue plaid jacket from Cabi, my snakeprint boots from Target and this snuggly faux fur lite blue coat also from Target. I was staying warm this day for sure!

One thing I try to make sure is that when I’m thinking of buying an item- I make sure I can think of several outfits to combine with it! That makes my wardrobe stretch really far! You can do this too if you want and it’s also fun to see how many combinations result from one new item.

Happy reruns friends!

Finally Share my Hair

Hello friends and happy Sunday!

I hope you all have had a great weekend!

I finally decided to share another of my “hair” adventures. I blogged about possibly cutting my own hair about a week or so ago but I finally did it!

I got my own hair cut in a chin length bob type of style. I wanted to be able to leave my hair down when I wasn’t wearing my extensions (just cause I’m tired of doing the same thing everyday and sometimes the extensions hurt and I want a break). I also fatigued of my hair being in super tangles every morning- it was so fine and thin at the bottom.

So last Wednesday my stylist cut about five (?) inches off to where my hair is thicker ( as I lose hair and grow back hair- most of it is around ear length) so it looks thicker shorter.

Friday I bucked up enough courage to go to work WITHOUT MY EXTENSIONS! I know right?? I was super anxious but people around me are very kind and supportive and I’m so thankful as my hair is kind of a sensitive subject for me.

So I’m passing on my bravery to you my blogging buddies. Here are a couple pics of me and my own hair. Be Brave friends!

Hair Saga

Hello friends and happy Sunday!

I thought I’d share some of my continuing hair ideas.

Most of you know I have hashimotos and struggle with fluctuating hair loss. A few months ago I purchased a couple of Halo extensions.

One problem I have is that if I’m not wearing the extensions, I need to pull my own hair up into a clip. Some of my hair is long and some about chin length due to frequent hair loss and then regrowth; it’s a constant struggle with autoimmune disease.

My thought is that I will cut my own hair so that sometimes I can have my own hair “out and about” or wearing a hat (which I love to do but can’t with the extensions) and sometimes I’ll wear my extensions (have long hair).

What do you all think of this? I know many people that wear different hair pieces depending on their mood.

One idea is this type of pixie cut which I’ve had before and I like. Another is Cate Blanchett’s hair in Oceans Eight (a new movie with Sandra Bullock). I’m leaning toward the blunt cut (Cate’s cut). It’s different and fun and then when I want long hair I can put on my extensions.

Here are some pictures to show what I mean. (Pixie cut courtesy of Victoria Beckham) I hope this helps anyone else who might be struggling with hair loss too. (BTW watch this movie-Oceans Eight, cause I love Cate Blanchett’s style and will be trying to copy her in some ways IRL 😂🤣)

Bright, Bold, and Confident in Yellow

Hello friends and Happy Friday!

How is everyone today? I hope you’re all well and looking forward to the weekend! I know I am! Thanks again friends for reading my blog, I appreciate your encouragement and follows 🙂

I discovered the most darling yellow striped tee at H&M (City Creek Center) the other day along with some bomb sunnies! (I also met one of my IG friends that evening @stylequeenie and she is such a doll! She is easy to talk to and we have so much in common!) Anyway, I bought the Tee and sunnies, such a good deal; they were each about $14.99 so I thought it a great purchase and so affordable.

My yellow striped tee reminds me of high school. I had a darling (terry material) bright yellow tee trimmed in red (around the sleeves and hem-my school colors) but every time I wore it, somehow horrifyingly coincided with an in school assembly, so for some reason that color really stood out in a dark auditorium. One particularly horrifying time, a musical group- a band came to play and pointed me out, asked me to stand-then they did a cover of Elvis’ song “Hound Dog”….really?? That’s exactly what a 17 year old, shy, insecure, and someone super aware of her acne needs to hear and be singled out. Needless to say, I got rid of that horrid shirt…who knows maybe I burned it? That’s a terrible memory, and to this day have not wore yellow…PTSD maybe?? LOL

So now you know what a big deal it is for me to actually buy a yellow shirt! This shirt is bold, bright, and really beautiful. I wore it with confidence friends 🙂 Sometimes it takes years to be confident, but better late than never right?

Let Me Adjust

Hello Friends and happy Monday!

My son moved out (again) into his own apartment Saturday and I found myself quite sad. I wondered why….

I started this blog when my youngest child (daughter) married and moved out last year, I thought it would help me adjust and focus on something else other than work or on being sad that my children were all moved out.

Then this January, my son found himself in somewhat of a quandary with a work position and his apartment lease ending. He moved in with us with the intention of it only being a month or so, but ended up being a little bit longer.

About a month ago, my oldest daughter and her husband (with two littles XOXO) moved in for a couple weeks until their rental house was available. So for some time, my house was quite busy as you can imagine. But my daughter moved back out and now my son is gone and I find myself a little sad as we (me and hubs) are empty nesters (again)! ?

I really think I can get used to this as long as it doesn’t continually change. I live with lots of people, I almost live alone, live with lots of people, live almost alone…I just need time to adjust and consistency! LOL I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE, HAVE I MENTIONED THAT? LOL

I need time to adjust (this involves chocolate and Netflix) and now I’m feeling sad again, so thanks for reading friends! Pretty soon I will be back to myself or who I thought I was before I live with lots of people and then living alone.